Oh, For the Love of Heather Langenkamp

*this post originally appeared on blogger.

"Glenn, you shit!"an internet search under this name will yield you scores of links to nerdy thirty-year-old boys who have actually met the girl from the nightmares. I use the term “boy” deliberately. these boys have pictures with a smiling heather showing bottom teeth in a picture with the boy who looks like he has just met MLK.

the name may not mean much to many, but alienated and nostalgic kids between the ages of 24 and 34 will remember the name. they will immediately be able to envision the young heather standing in her cardboard living room with her porn star, alcoholic mother. of course, no one knows if nancy’s mom really is a porn star, but if you look at her, it seem supremely possible. what we do know is that she had an unbecoming turn on Highway to Heaven, and she graced a craptastic classic with her presence in Return to Salem’s Lot.

eh… i would rather focus on the Nightmares. further internet searchings of our heroine will lead you to her page on IMDB. her listing reads like someone you’ve never seen–focusing on shitty television series with stop offs at the occasional straight-to-video psychological/horror film with some word in the title like “ascension” which is movie geek for utter crap with a much needed paycheck.

the truth is, there is absolutely nothing remarkable about heather, but she has this place in my heart. i am a geek, and i am a fan. seeing her face just makes me want to scream, “Rod is NOT a lunatic, Dad.” so i keep watching. i see that her skills are no greater than they were in 1984, but i cannot help but keep on watching. she sure as shit got lucky with freddy because no one else would have hired her if she wasn’t the girl with the know-how on “Booby Traps and Other Improvised Anti-Personnel Devices.”

i will say this though. if i ever meet heather, i am going to turn my back on her and say, “You are nothing. You are shit…. I take back every bit of energy I ever gave you.”

we love you craptastic Heather Langenkamp.

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~ by acaseofyou12581 on November 20, 2008.

3 Responses to “Oh, For the Love of Heather Langenkamp”

  1. I like her, too. I think it’s that whole girl next door thing.

  2. For me, it is the talentless thing. Hehehe. After all, she is no Amy Steel.

  3. Just watched this last night for the first time in ages. TIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

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