I’ve Been Kidderized

i’ve been watching Amityville Horror in sections of the past three days.  no worries.  i’ve seen this flick before.  so i will still be able to talk you through it.

Movie Poster, Dudes
Movie Poster, Dudes

i know i saw this movie when i was a kid, but only once, so by the time i saw it again, i had absolutely no idea what had happened in it, and i had absolutely no real idea of what it was actually about.

of course, i knew it was a haunting story.

i saw it again a few years ago.  and i have seen it about 25 times since then.  and i have to say, this is not a flick i find particularly scary.  i just don’t.  i know that might be an unpopular opinion, but i’ve now heard about all the lawsuits and the lies and the whosits and whatsits.  and the mystery is a little dead for me.  Later, i will go into other reasons the mystery is lost on me (and one of them married Scar Jo after breaking the heart of the [yes i still love her] peacemaking Ala Mo).

Let’s start by saying, yes, the opening sequences (with the DeFeo walking through the house shooting his family) is quite nerve-wracking.  i do still get a little tensiony when i watch this particular scene.  and it is the rehashed to slighter less effect later on in the movie.

cut to kathy and george lutz (newlyweds) getting ready to tour the house on ocean avenue.  they are thinking of buying it.  the realtor, less shady than you’d think when selling a house that was the scene of a mass murder, explains what happened to the lutz family.  while taking their tour of the house, scenes of the shootings are cut into the tour each time they enter a room that housed a dead body.

george and kathy decide they don’t care about the murders and they buy the house anyway.

cut to one month later.  and here is when all hell breaks loose… rather slowly.  black sludge comes out of the toilets, george wakes up every night at 3:15 freezing, kathy has nightmares about each of the murders, amy develops a new demonic friend named Jody, and the boys well… they get off scott free.  at some point father delaney stops by.  he goes into the house while the family is in the backyard chasing around the family, and he goes on up to a room on the second floor.  yes, without actually being invited into the house.  when he goes into the room, he looks out the window and sees the family in the yard.  and of course, he doesn’t like go get them or anything.  he just starts blessing the house.  okay, i’ll take it.  not because i think this would be normal behavior but because they later make it believable when they show kathy saying they are very close.

and i will let it go because his moment in the house is one of the most genuinely scary moments in the movie.  so he’s blessing the house, and all of a sudden he gets hot.  he is sweating, and he senses that this is remarkable when they door closes behind him, and then he can’t breathe.  and there are the flies.  they are all over his face.  ew.  i know.  ickiness abounds.  and finally… in a super creepy voice, a man screams GET OUT!!! as the door opens back up.

and he does.  and he vomits on his way out of the house.

of course he tries to warn them… as do others.  but they stay and shit hits the fan.  you can guess i am sure. 

here is the thing.  this movie is a good time.  it might not be scary like some TCM, but it has some genuinely clever and some genuinely scary moments.   and i have to say, i enjoy watching brolin go nuts and scream “MOTHER OF GOD, I’M COMING APART!”  and i even more love the look of maniacal joy that spreads across kidder’s face all the time. 

and i know you can

check that crazy smile!
check that crazy smile!

‘t really see it, but there is this weird way her top lip sticks to her teeth, so she can’t really talk right, and you get a little lost looking at her weirdo mouth instead of enjoying the flick.  but i have to say, for me, this is a welcome distraction.  there is something quite magnificent about margot kidder.  i mean, you hear things about her now and then, but i can’t say what’s true or not.  i just give her her scream queen cred.  let’s all remember, she is Barb, daughter of the “gold-plated whore” of Black Christmas.  she’s a beautiful disaster.  and she makes this trip worthwhile.

That and the crazy blond woman yelling in the basement, “it’s the passage to hell!  COVER IT!!”

all in all, this is a yes rental… and for me and my addictive personality… a yes purchase.

now there is something to note.  this film has been (GASP!) remade.  in 2005, the makers of the TCM (GASP!) remake did this flick as well.  this flick stars the ever so heartbreaking ryan reynolds who has a mild amount of talent and a lot of abs that boys and girls other than i like to stare at and that blond chick who is now on grey’s anatomy dropping her british-ish accent every third word.  stinky-amityville

here is the most important information you will ever read about the amityville horror.  this remake is poopy shit.  seriously.  and i am not someone who hates remakes.  i love them, actually.  i thought the new TCM was pretty okay, which is why i saw this remake.  but this is the absolute dumbest shit i have ever seen in my entire life.

run screaming from the video store.  please

the rest of the trilogy to come.


~ by acaseofyou12581 on November 27, 2008.

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