sometimes you come across something….

my pals at work told me they had seen the worst film ever made.  of course, i assumed this was not possible.  of course, i thought this was just an exaggeration from a couple of guys who got stoned and watched a bad movie.  of course, i thought this movie of theirs could certainly not be worse than shock treatment.

and then one of them brought me this DVD. 

so apparently this dude named tommy wiseau wrote, directed, and starred in a film called The Room. 

the-room

the room is an unexplainable film from another universe.  let’s begin with its star–Johnny.  johnny is a successful banker (what the fuck does that even mean?) and he has a cuntilicious fiance that looks like a stripper version of melissa joan hart in clarissa explains it all.  johnny appears to have some sort of physical deformity.  i want to say rude things, but i will try to refrain.  in short, he looks like Undertaker… you know, the creepy wrestler guy.  he has an accent of indeterminable origin, and he has this ickiest long black hair ever.  this accent is wonderful because it allows for the most stilted delivery of the worst lines ever written on paper.  seriously, you have never heard shit like this.  it was just shy of  “honey, i’m home.” 

who does he deliver these lines to but his stripperish fiance who proceeds to seduce a man we already thought she was sleeping with.  when they have sex she, for some unknown reason, keeps her Old Navy dress on the entire time.  and they fuck on the stairs; the trouble is that the stairs are shaking the whole time–like… seriously shaking.

after melissa joan hart screws the owen wilson/ken doll facsimile friend, she screws johnny again.  and this time, we see the EXACT SAME SEX SCENE EXACTLY AS IT PLAYED OUT BEFORE!  i am not kidding.  it was completely the same.  shot for shot.  ugly earring for ugly earring.  blue shadow covered eye for blue shadow covered eye.

you have never seen anything like this movie.  trust me, you haven’t. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCj8sPCWfUw

highlights include: a young neighbor boy who “likes to watch” and a party guest who has no known identity and seems to be the only person in the film with half a brain… oh, and he has a weirdly slanted body.  hmmm.

do you see what you’re missing???

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~ by acaseofyou12581 on February 14, 2009.

2 Responses to “sometimes you come across something….”

  1. Ummm, I just watched the trailer, and… no. That is a negative Ghostwriter!

  2. Dude, it’s fucking amazing. If you do drugs, it’s the perfect film choice. I really think anyone could get mad laughs from this.

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