That guy should never work again. Period.

So let’s talk about House on the Edge of the Park.

I am starting this one off the right way.  House on the Edge of the Park is a piece of shit.  A big stinking hulky PILE of shit.  Fuck this movie super hard.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

Last night Steven and I put this DVD in thinking that “grisly torture” was just the right thing for our evening’s entertainment.  The film began in media res (like an good short story) with a dude (creepy fucker from Last House on the Left) driving down the West Side Highway in his car.  Eventually he sees this Jane Krakowski/Jodie Foster hybrid and runs her off the road (in an area that is clearly NOT New York).  He pulls her over, climbs into her car, and rapes her and strangles her.

Yeah, this started out just right.

Then he goes back to his garage and starts chatting it up with his (maybe) retarded friend.  They are all chatting it up when a dude in a velour suit and his super short-haired girl pull up needing their car fixed.  They throw money (much too little, by the way) at our baddie who says he wants to “boogie.”  As a result, they get their car fixed and head to a nice (if poorly decorated) house in Jersey.

Upon their arrival in Jersey we find another dude who looks like a deformed ape, a black woman with no hair who is clearly overdubbed, and yet one more woman with all of her hair on one side of her head.  Can you say, “Welcome to 1980”?  The richies proceed to embarrass the vaguely retarded friend while the short-haired lady from before (who has apparently switched to a new ugly lipstick) teases the main baddie.

Badness ensues.

You can imagine what happens next, right?  All the rich kids are punished for their sins by the big bad, and he is no less sociopathic than he was at the start of the film.

Well, here’s how bad this movie is…. Are you ready?  During the second rape (about an hour into the film), I turned this fucker off and put Roseanne in.

Explain something to me, will you?

Why is it necessary for the big bad to rape all these women?  How does this suddenly make this shitpile of a film any better?  Fuck this stupid incessant need for the rape narrative.

And fuck this stupid movie.

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~ by acaseofyou12581 on February 11, 2010.

One Response to “That guy should never work again. Period.”

  1. […] of The Vault of Horror on House on the Edge of the Park […]

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