You Had Me at “Pussy Parfait”

last night, man, last night…

i really thought i was going to go home and watch designing women.  i really did.  i mean, i thought i would come home to replacement disc of axe and two new red envelopes with vampyres and nightwatch.  i mean, i want to watch all those movies, but i had to work in the morning, and i have had too many early mornings this week.  blah blah blah… i am an old cranky lady.

but no No NO!  what did i come home to but MUTHAFUCKIN’ BITCH SLAP!

all right, let’s get down to business.  there is absolutely nothing that you could do or say that could make me not love this movie.  nothing, i tells ya.  it is totally fucking sexist and offensive, and i sat there drooling like a fucking stereotype, and i loved every fucking second of it.  i haven’t had this much fun since death proof.  (yes, fuckers, i loved death proof. and one day, i will post an article explaining exactly why i loved death proof.  but that day is not today.)

three dirty girls–homicidal camero, business-y hel, and slutty stripper trixie–are in the desert looking for boosted diamonds they want to fence.  they have a hostage in undies with a tiger on his package.

i feel like that is all of the plot i really want to reveal.  suffice it to say there are lies, lies, and more lies.  and then there are fights and guns and more fights and more guns and boobs and foul language and lesbian sex and double-crosses and more lesbian action.  it’s a fucking good time.  oh and a book called “slutty women in post-feminist america.”  and who doesn’t love a movie with lines like “bashing gash” that calls its screenwriters “poet laureates”?

all right, all right.  let’s get serious.  this movie is fucking garbage.  but that is exactly what it’s trying to be.  it is trying to be a fucking mess of b-movie exploitation explosions of violence and catfights.  and it succeeds on every fucking level.  and that, my friends, is why i was sitting straight up peeing my pants in excitement.

GRAIN OF SALT DISCLAIMER: i am very much predisposed to love this movie.  it was made–FUCKING MADE, I TELLS YA–for me in particular.  i want to see vaguely fakely hot women fight and fuck.  sorry, i do.  that’s what lesbians are like, right?  okay, maybe just this lesbian.  but i love it.  it combines my love of stupid fucking ridiculous seventies action movies with hot women, sexy times, and amazingly bad and foul dialogue.  NOTHING could have made me happier.

tread lightly if you have a refined palette.  me?  i eat shit and like it all the time.

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~ by acaseofyou12581 on March 18, 2010.

One Response to “You Had Me at “Pussy Parfait””

  1. […] Bitch Slap […]

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