A Little Senseless Fun… And I Do Mean Senseless

Ah, Lucio Fulci.  How you rock my world–despite the fact that none of your movies make any fucking sense.  No, seriously, why don’t your movies make any fucking sense?  Eh, no matter.  I’ll just watch them and enjoy the pretty sights.

House by The Cemetery is just another in a long line of Fulci films that enthrall me completely while I watch them–even though the dubbing is awful and they (again) make no fucking sense.

A professor, his wife (Catriona McCall, natch), and son move from their Manhattan apartment to an old Victorian in a small town near Boston, MA.  Norman (the professor) is picking up on the research of Dr. Peterson, a colleague of his who apparently murdered his mistress and then hanged himself in the library at work.

Our young family arrives in town and takes the same house as Peterson, and all is… not right with the world.  The house seems to be grabbing people up and murdering them.  And then where do the bodies go?  No one knows.  They just sort of go away.  Eh, who cares?

When Bob (the creepy and so so so SO badly dubbed son) starts hanging out with an invisible girl named May and Lucy (Catriona MacColl) starts having nervous fits, even Norman seems to check in and think something is hinky in the house.  He and his wife head to the real estate office and insist that they be moved.  After all, who wants to live with a tomb in the drawing room?  Yick.

Of course, the house (or whatever is in it) is killing people off left and right, and this real estate agent is no exception.  When she’s in the house alone she meets the pointy end of a…. pointy thing.  And it’s not long before Ann (Bob’s faithful and very weird) babysitter loses her head (yuk yuk yuk).

The whole thing culminates with a bloody showdown in the cellar with what can only be referred to as the laziest zombie in horror movie history.

See what I mean?  It’s awesome, but it just doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.  I mean, it makes a hell of a lot more sense in that synopsis than it did in the movie.  You know those redwood trees you can drive a car through?  Yeah?  Well, there are holes in the story bigger than those roadways.

But when it comes down to it, I just don’t give a shit.  Lucio Fulci makes really pretty movies.  I mean, go back and watch the death scenes in this movie.  They are fucking righteous.  FUCKING RIGHTEOUS!  You will never see anything like this again in your life.  (Well, unless you watch City of the Living Dead or Zombie or The Beyond or something.)

What’s with these Italians?  They sure no how to make death seem appealing.  Remember that arm-chopping scene in Tenebre?  Yeah, it almost makes me want to chop my own arm off… except, you know, I like having arms.

So am I recommending this?  You betcha.  It’s not at the top of a Fulci list, but it’s pretty fucking great.  Check it out when you can, but remember to turn your brain off.

In other news: Where can I get an awesome pick gun like that?

And for your reference:


~ by acaseofyou12581 on June 8, 2010.

3 Responses to “A Little Senseless Fun… And I Do Mean Senseless”

  1. Buy a gun and spray paint it.

  2. One of my favorites of all time, and actually my favorite Fulci flick! We are definitely on the same wavelength–I just talked about this movie as part of my Lucky 13 series a couple weeks ago, so either I’ve inspired you, or our brains are weirdly in sync. Either possibility means nothing but sheer awesomeness.

  3. Actually, your Lucky 13 reminded me that it was in my queue, so I bumped it. You are truly inspirational. I’d seen it before, but I was on drugs… I mean, um, not paying attention. So watching it was like having a flashback.

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